Amy B.

2 Months

2005-08-22T22:31:00.000-05:00

I've been doing pretty well since my brother died- I would get tears in my eyes when I heard certain songs and such, but for the most part I just tried to keep my mind off of it. But tonight with the mention of what we're doing with his truck I just broke down and sobbed. It's been almost 2 months since he passed away now. I just want my brother back.

Change

2005-08-20T14:44:00.000-05:00

I found this to be incredibly inspiring:

"Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better. It's not that some people have willpower and some don't...It's that some people are ready to change and others are not. We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance."

I don't know who to credit this to, but it is excellent.

Why You Must Go To Storybook Land

2005-08-18T11:27:00.000-05:00

We had such a great time at Storybook Land today. See: www.storybookland.com. The last time I was there was when I was about 6 or so.
Why you should go:

1- It's nearby for you South Jersey folk- it's only 10 miles away from Atlantic City. Just follow 295 South to 42 and continue on the Black Horse Pike. That going on the A.C. Expressway & G.S.P. is bull.

2- It's pretty darn cheap. $16.95 per person and you can bring a lunch with you or buy one there for an extremely fair price.

3- Kiddie rides that even I can fit my fat ass on.

4- Creepy/ Cool robotic fairytale characters- Snow White was looking particularly chilling today. And the Alice in Wonderland walk thru? It was like a haunted house on acid. But in a good, child friendly way- of course.

5- So many great photo ops. How often do you get to take a picture of a giant shoe? Or of someone standing in a whale's mouth?

6- In the nearly 20 years since I was there things have changed, but they have not actually gotten rid of anything. It was just rearranged with more attractions added.

7- Park's been open for 50 years- family owned.

8- The entire park is spotless.

9- The many spiffy little fairytale houses. Just too cool.

10- Because it is so freakin cool. Really.

Oh, and you say, "I don't have a child"? Well, if you don't have a child, borrow one from a relative or friend- they'll appreciate the break and you have an excuse to go. Get your butt there and experience the splendor of creepy robotic fairytale creatures. You will thank me.

This Past Month

2005-08-13T23:57:00.001-05:00

So... quite a few things have happened this past month. I was hit, ended a 5 year relationship, have gone to court & filed bankruptcy. This has been just the crappiest summer ever for me. However, I have made a wonderful friend on this website called MySpace. So at least I have one good thing. The fall had better be a good time for me. For real.

My_keyoard_is_roke

2005-07-17T09:22:00.000-05:00

Ivy_poured_water_o_the_freakig_keyoard_ad_roke_the_spacear,_ad_two_keys_aove_it,_ut_I_oviously_ca't_type_them._So_I_am_pretty_much_computer-less_till_I_get_a_ew_keyoard._Oh,_ut_wait,_I_do't_have_a_workig_car_to_get_to_the_store!_This_sucks.

Once You Hit Rock Bottom, The Only Way To Go Is Up

2005-07-13T16:20:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I thought this expression was full of shit- because everytime I thought I was at rock bottom, I just fell further and further. But apparantly, last night was rock bottom- and today is starting to go uphill! Because I could probably type for hours on all that has happened in the past month, I will shorten it considerably in a brief timeline- without the exact time- because that requires too much research.

Mom's struggling to save house- all deals get f'd up
Great Aunt died
Great Uncle died
Entire inheritance I am to receive from my Great Uncle that was going to be used to buy replacement car for my dying Taurus needs to go to my mom to save house
Tony struggling with pain pill addiction- I'm struggling to deal with him
Struggling to get all info needed for my long put off bankruptcy
31 year old brother died suddenly
Fall into depression
Dealing with dickhead Tony
Dealing with drugged, far-out there Tony who passes out
Dealing with his friends over EVERY day for the past two weeks
My car overheating and dies
Tony's car's motor mounts & exhaust f'd up- car undrivable
Dead brother's car's clutch and who knows what else breaks
We have no car
Fighting with Tony- constantly
Friends Dianna & Jerry won't come over because of Tony and his friends
Company picnic has extraordinarily poor attendance- this is the first year I have planned it alone
Go to Great Aunt & Uncle's to clean out house- cry at things I remember and of pictures I find of my brother
Went to doctor for blood pressure- gained 6 pounds
Dianna & Jerry finally come over- Tony fights with them and they leave after 5 minutes- I haven't seen them in over 2 weeks

...and here's the upswing!

Dead Taurus & old burnt up Sable in shop- mechanic to resurrect one or the other
Wonderful co-worker Kim drives me into work
My bankruptcy gets filed!
Central air that has been broken for years is fixed- entire house cold
Tony goes to doctor and drops him as a patient. Refers Tony to detox clinic. Tony calm and agrees to go. Wants to change his life around. Sounds genuine.
Managed to get a ton of billing done at work

So please, please, God, if you're listening- let this keep going on the upswing. If I made it through all that- don't I deserve some good things in my life? Please?

Marlon

2005-06-26T00:34:00.000-05:00

I got a call this afternoon from this lady Michele that my brother Marlon was doing some work for. He was moving scrap metal in upper 90s heat- and he has a heart condition. Apparantly he collapsed in the street and Michele attempted to perform CPR but was unable to revive him and called 911. She had taken his cell phone in order to reach his family. We finally got in touch with the hospital he was at and rushed over there as fast as we could- considering that not one of us is a city driver. We ended up at the wrong Mercy Hospital first, then we drove around more trying to get directions to the correct hospital finally reaching our destination at around 7. When we got there a reverend, doctor & nurse escorted us into the family waiting room and explained to my mom, sister, Tony & myself that my brother was dead. Of a heart attack. At 31. My big brother. My mom & I went back to see him and I had hoped that they got it all wrong- that it was some other skinny tall bald guy w/ a goatee living in Philly. He looked pretty peaceful, but he was so cold. We went back to the family room where I just felt so sick- my head was pounding, I couldn't breathe, nauseated. I had to run to the bathroom twice to vomit. Various nurses came in to help and explain things and the Reverend was so amazing. Wonderful people there at Mercy Hospital. My mom was on the phone for about an hour with Gift of Life trying to get his tissues and such donated. He's going to help a lot of people. We can't even afford to have a service for him. Marlon doesn't have life insurance and we're struggling terrbily just to keep my mom in her house right now. He had it marked on his license to be an organ donor and I know that's what he would have wanted. He passed away at 4:15 this afternoon. I'm still in such shock. I can't fathom that my brother is gone. He was such an amazing, intelligent, kind, funny, peaceful being. Marlon could make friends with anyone. I have always been so proud to call him my brother. And I just don't know what I'm going to do without him.

See Marlon's Memorial page at: http://marlonsolar.blogspot.com/

Here's a musical that my brother was in: http://citypaper.net/articles/2003-11-06/music.shtml
Yes, he's the guy in diaper on the right. It was a crazy show, but it was so funny.

Can't think of a title

2005-06-24T12:43:00.000-05:00

I just realized that I haven't posted in so long. I've recently become addicted to MySpace so that has taken me away from blogging- plus the fact that I have nothing interesting to say. Tony's doing pretty well weaning from the medication he was taking. It's a process. Summer's here and the weather in Jersey is sticky. Ivy's doing really well. She talks in length about going to the beach, when she's going to the beach, what she's going to do there, what she's going to bring, etc. We had a good 20 minute talk about this...lol. She's never even been to the beach yet! So I have some vacation planning to do. It all has to be on the cheap- but I'd like to go to Ocean City for a day or two, maybe Dutch Wonderland too. But guess what? I'm am excited to say that we will be going to Story Book Land tomorrow! I haven't been there since I was 6 years old. I hope Ivy's tall enough to ride on this stuff alone though because mommy's not sure her big fat ass will be able to fit in tiny little kid rides. One of my coworkers went she said that she was able to fit on the rides, albeit very uncomfortably- but she's also very slender. I must buy Ivy a pair of platform shoes tonight- that will give her an inch or two. :) See: www.storybookland.com.

Ivy used to dance to this video

2005-06-05T10:09:00.000-05:00

http://song.musicvideocodes.com/song.php?s=3082

Pain Pills

2005-06-04T20:09:00.000-05:00

After a huge fight today with Tony, he has finally admitted to what I have feared for so long- he is hooked on pain pills. Granted, he does have back pain, but he has been taking them so long he has grown dependent on them. He insists that it is not an "addiction" but a "dependence". I don't see the difference. He said he has talked to his doctor and has lowered the doseage at least. Drug addiction is such a hot topic with me as my best friend Stacy died last year of a drug overdose at the age of 21. He's currently taking 2 different pain medications, a sleeping pill & has just filled a prescription for Xanax to "control his moods". Thankfully he has not started taking the Xanax as I am freaked out enough over the pain pills. I just don't know how to handle this. He doesn't want me telling anyone but it's eating me up inside, so I at least need to vent here. I just did a search and found this website: http://www.prescriptiondrugaddiction.com/common.asp
Tony's main problem is #6- hydrocodone. And it's really encouraging that he always takes #14- Soma and now #5- Xanax. Christ. I hate his doctor. He prescribes pain killers to just about anyone. It's sickening. As a rule, I try not to take anything stronger than Tylenol- even after I've had surgery. Yes people, my boyfriend and father of my child is now a druggie. Ain't that just fabulous?

You must read this

2005-06-04T19:11:00.000-05:00

Post-coital Babble: An anti-cancer vaccine? Not if the Right-Wing gets its way.

2005-06-04T13:09:00.000-05:00

And bears at the beach cake! Woo hoo! See: http://www.womansday.com/article.asp?section_id=13&article_id=5717&page_number=1

2005-06-04T13:08:00.000-05:00

The fish cake! See: http://www.womansday.com/article.asp?section_id=13&article_id=9686&page_number=1

Remember the Hamster Dance?

2005-05-29T12:54:00.000-05:00

http://www.webhamster.com/

2005-05-28T10:26:00.000-05:00

I will not lie- I probably like My Little Ponies better than my daughter- and yes- I probably pushed her toward them a bit more than Barbies- but dammit- they're so cute! Look! Halloween ponies!!!

Tony & "Women's" Television

2005-05-28T10:20:00.000-05:00

I know, I'm probably mean, but there is no testosterone in this household. Well, the majority would come from me at least. Here is a list of Tony's favorite shows & channels:

1- The Lifetime Channel- need I say more?
2- The Golden Girls
3- Days of Our Lives
4- Passions

Oh, and while I would not consider it a favorite- at least I hope not- he is currently watching Martha Stewart.

6/1/05- In all fairness I do want to add that he has gotten hooked on the show "Huff" (it's even set as the damn wallpaper) and loves "Dead Like Me".

Tiramisu Cake

2005-05-24T18:43:00.000-05:00

From a box! Yum. Another thing I must bake.

http://www.womansday.com/article.asp?section_id=13&article_id=9393

I Am On Vacation!!!!

2005-05-24T18:41:00.000-05:00

And I have nowhere to goooo... But that's alright- I just need to be somewhere other than work. I actually went to the library tonight after work and checked out 3 books for myself to read in my time off. Oh, and is it a requirement that librarians be incredibly unpleasant? Uggghhh. When I went to pick up Ivy at my old neighbor's house she was running around in a huge pumpkin shirt (ya know- the orange one with a jack-o-lantern face on it). The she wanted to show me her shirt she pooped on. Luckily she didn't manage to open the bag it was in. So now I am home and got all excited to see a new Womans Day magazine come in the mail. Yippee! I've been on a baking kick lately- using only boxed mixes of course- but there is this awesome fishbowl cake on the cover of the magazine. I so want to make it. I've tried searching womansday.com to find a picture of it but have been unsuccessful. It is just so neat. I must find a picture of it.

2005-05-24T18:24:00.000-05:00

And at her birthday party a month ago being pulled by Uncle Marlon

2005-05-24T18:23:00.001-05:00

2 days old

2005-05-24T18:23:00.000-05:00

Easter 2004

2005-05-24T18:22:00.000-05:00

This was taken at 18 months old. Doesn't she look thrilled?

2005-05-24T18:20:00.000-05:00

She was so little then!!!

2005-05-24T18:18:00.000-05:00

Ivy & Allison (and dirty puppy)

2005-05-24T18:14:00.000-05:00

Me & Ivy (not very recent- Sept. 2003)

2005-05-18T20:51:00.000-05:00

I love Lucy

Food! And Lucy!

2005-05-18T07:34:00.000-05:00

Tony went grocery shopping! This is wonderful! No more ramen for me- at least not for a couple weeks.

I'm at work right now but I just cannot focus. I made the mistake of checking out the daily photos on Webshots, then searching Ocean City, NJ....oh, well not only have I downloaded about a dozen of them, but I want to be down the shore RIGHT NOW. And since I am not at home and do not have my handy "Hello" program to post a picture, you will have to deal with simply a link. One of the reasons it's great to visit New Jersey: http://www.lucytheelephant.org/indexhi.html. Lucy ROCKS!

Makes Me Want to Travel

2005-05-16T19:20:00.000-05:00

http://www.roadsideamerica.com/index.html

Oh, and one of my coworkers passes by this every day on her way to work: http://www.roadsideamerica.com/tnews/NewsItemDisplay.php3?Tip_AttrId=10348

Beautiful, isn't it? Makes the neighbor with the overgrowth of well, everything, in their yard pale in comparison. I must make the trip to see it before they make the guy move it. I just have to.

Yes, the more tired I get the wackier I get. So I'm going to bed now- really.

Who Doesn't Love a Singing Chinchilla?

2005-05-16T18:53:00.000-05:00

http://www.rathergood.com/morris_dancers/

See What All Work and No Play Does to Me?

2005-05-16T18:44:00.000-05:00

I LOVE this: http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song/

Remember those Quizno's commercials? This is where they got the idea from. Joel Veitch is awesome. I hate those Baby Bob commercials, but I still love my Quiznos and my spongemonkeys (yes, those singing things with the freaky eyes).

Oh- and look- costumes! http://www.rathergood.com/photos/

2005-05-16T18:36:00.000-05:00

I *must* buy this video

Evil Salad

2005-05-15T12:40:00.000-05:00

I just made the mistake of looking up the nutritional information on a McDonald's Caesar Salad with Crispy Chicken & Caesar Dressing. It's 32 grams of fat. Not that I'm totally surprised, but still. A Big Mac "only" has 30 grams of fat! At least I can comfort myself in the fact that I'm getting a lot of Vitamin A. Oh well.

Your Tax Dollars

2005-05-14T20:38:00.000-05:00

http://www.nationalpriorities.org/taxes/IncomeTaxChart05.html

and

http://www.nationalpriorities.org/costofwar/index.html

Unbelievable.

So Where Have I Been?

2005-05-14T19:50:00.000-05:00

At work- almost 60 hours this week- including today- yes- Saturday. Damn I am tired. Today was office clean up day and I closed 51 boxes of files- total throughout the week was 83 boxes. And I covered the phones for the receptionist all week- not only were the phones incredibly hectic, but I also had to open files which I have not done in over 6 months (amazingly I did not mess them up), and this was only the 2nd week into the billing cycle so I was still trying to get bills finalized. And I did all the other B.S. that goes along with my job. Whew. So my "weekend" begins tomorrow. At least my office is clean.

My friends Dianna & Jerry went away to Florida this morning for a week. Lucky bastards. I was invited to go but there was no way I could come up with that kind of money. As it is, I have almost no food in the house. My nearly 20 hours of overtime will allow me to get some groceries. Don't get me wrong- I'm not starving- I'm just subsisting on oatmeal, ramen & boxed macaroni & cheese.

My insanely wonderful mother watched Ivy today while I worked and Tony went to a funeral. When I finally got to her house to pick Ivy up I discovered that she had totally trashed my mom's living room. It drives me nuts that I will try my hardest to discipline her and she just laughs at me. I think I ended up picking up the majority of the toys.

When Tony went to leave the cemetary after the funeral my car wouldn't start (he took mine today because his has a rejected sticker on it from Jan. for a broken headlight and the viewing was far from here). So after working all day and picking up Ivy and her mess I had to go to a cemetary to jump my car at night. Nice. The car started and it's now home thankfully.

So now it's 8:45 at night, I haven't eaten dinner yet and am utterly exhausted. Guess I'll go make some ramen.

2005-04-29T22:09:00.000-05:00

Ivy & Allison (my friend's little girl)

2005-04-28T20:30:00.000-05:00

Ivy (and some kids foot) at an Easter Egg Hunt

Working From Home

2005-04-28T19:54:00.000-05:00

There's no reason why I need to check my work e-mail or voicemail from home- none. I am not even so incredibly important that I have to check it constantly. Trust me, if people need me they WILL and HAVE called me at home. Like Saturday in the middle of, er, something. But anyway, I have spent about a half hour tonight just checking work e-mail and replying to them, doing research for the ever so important shirts for our company picnic, and checking my voicemail to find out that someone already wants to tour our building to buy it(!). I hate the fact that the partners are being so darn sneaky about selling the buildings and moving- but I found out- not through them of course. I even approached one of the partners and asked him directly about when and where we would be moving. He said it was going to be a year or two. Well, it sure seems to me that it's coming up even sooner than that. I do realize that we are rapidly expanding, but dammit, I just moved and my commute to work is awesome. Do they consider my feelings? Noooooo..... lol. But in all seriousness, I just don't like the fact that it's so hush hush. I think I was going to blog about something else entirely tonight but now I can't think of it. Oh well.

Boo hoo

2005-04-26T17:45:00.000-05:00

What is it about a sad country song that makes me sob my eyes out? I don't even like country music all that much. Between "Whiskey Lullaby" and "Tough Little Boys" I am still crying. Gawd.

I just updated Ivy's webpage

2005-04-26T09:14:00.000-05:00

Not that it looks a whole lot different or anything, but whatever. There's a new picture on there since I grow too frustrated attempting to post one here. Yippee!

The Past Two Weeks

2005-04-22T22:34:00.000-05:00

These past two weeks have been pretty crazy.

My 98 year old Great Aunt just passed away the other day and my Great Uncle is also in the same hospital probably not going to last much longer either. Tony's been incredibly supportive about everything helping with trying to get my Great Aunt's last wishes carried out, talking w/ my family, and speaking with my Great Uncle's attorney. I couldn't even push myself to go to the hospital. I just remember what my Grandmother looked like hooked up to all those machines and I don't want to remember my Great Aunt that way too. It wasn't really her anymore- it was just her shell. Her soul's at peace now.

Tony started back working again- which is absolutely wonderful- but his schedule is 3pm-11pm. So I see him in the morning sleeping when I'm getting ready for work, at night when I'm totally zonked out (depends on how soundly I'm sleeping), and maybe for a little bit on the weekends. But he has to work and I want him to work- I've just been feeling lonely and a bit out of sorts. I've realized that my "friend" (using that term loosely) Dianna, is not really much of a friend at all. She e-mailed me today and said that she was sorry to hear about my Great Aunt and asked why I didn't tell her. I replied telling her that I have tried calling her the past 2 nights and she didn't pick up the phone. I have yet to receive a phone call or a reply back to my e-mail. And I've realized that Jerry is a great person, albeit often too tired to interact with the world. I've realized that my ex-boyfriend Craig is a fairly decent person, but twists people's words and doesn't want to see the truth about himself. Oh- and that I competely remember why I am no longer dating him. But he is fun to just hang out with casually.

I do like my job but I haven't really enjoyed it lately. After my old boss quit her responsibilities were just thrown at me. And while it was a difficult time, I really learned a lot, earned respect and enjoyed being the "go-to" person. But now with my new boss- while he is a great guy- he has taken over all of these responsibilities and I feel that the partners are forgetting that I can do this stuff. They'll walk into his office and ask him "Hey Jim, can you do so and so?" and I'm just screaming in my head- "I can do it! Ask me! Amy has a brain too!" So I feel rather bummed about work. I don't feel as inspired and needed as I once was. When I'm not doing billing at work I'm sitting on the computer checking my e-mail waiting for someone- anyone- to ask me to do something mildly challenging. My brain has turned to mush. I talked (whined) to my boss today about it. I don't know if he really understands how I feel.

Ivy's birthday party is tomorrow so I have been running around all night like a crazy woman trying to get My Little Pony decorations and stuff for the loot bags. I only got home a little bit ago and put the tablecloth on the dining room table, assembled the centerpiece, put together all the loot bags, hung the birthday banner and attempted to hang crepe paper. So now I am utterly exhausted and am going to bed. I hope this party turns out ok. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Work

2005-04-12T11:45:00.000-05:00

I hate that I am tired at the end of the day knowing I was extraordinarily busy at work but cannot pinpoint exactly what I did to make me so exhausted. If someone asks me "what do you do at work?" I have to really think about it. I usually just say "Billing"- but it is so much more than that. I just cannot express it in words. It's only 12:45 in the afternoon and I am beat.

Motherhood

2005-04-11T08:20:00.000-05:00

One of the best things about being a mommy:

Dancing to "Pretty Woman" with your 3 year old daughter who is wearing a princess crown in the kitchen just before you leave for work.

Getting Ready

2005-04-09T12:10:00.000-05:00

I hate cleaning and here I am today vacuuming the carpet and even the steps, putting stuff away, constantly picking up Ivy's toys & even sweeping the walkway outside! Why is having a party so involved? My boss called me this morning and said his friend is giving away a girl's dresser & a dining room table so he's bringing those by later. He is such a great boss. My ex-boss & friend April was so wonderful that I thought the next person would be a complete @sshole so I made it up in my mind before he even started that he would be a jerk- but he's completely NOT. He's this good Christian man who married his highschool sweetheart and they are still together and have 2 teenagers. He's incredibly involved with his church cooking for 300 people every Tuesday night and serving these 300 people every Wednesday night and setting up and putting down chairs every Saturday night for their huge congregation AND he (of course) attends said church every Sunday- oh and sings in the choir. He is simply impossible to dislike. So anyway, I consider myself incredibly lucky to work for 2 great bosses in a row. Tony's screaming at me from the other room to help him- gasp!- do some more cleaning so I better get up and drag my feet out there.

Friday

2005-04-08T20:45:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here with the keyboard on my lap because my keyboard tray broke on my cheap-ass computer desk but I really want to be on the computer right now- how's that for persistence?
I was busy busy busy all day at work today...which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Oh, and by the way- Tony got a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is back at Wawa at last. He went for his training last night and starts Wednesday. Ivy is back in school and is doing well.
We're having a house warming party tomorrow so Tony's been cleaning like a crazy man. He's really good with cleaning and home type stuff. I am a complete slob next to him. He manages to clean the house in a half hour while it would take me ALL day. But we have differences in our cleaning procedure- he dumps junk in drawers and closets and everywhere even if it's important junk and makes the outside look all pretty. Me- I plod through one little project at a time ripping stuff apart and throwing things away. I usually make it look worse than it was in the first place.
Dianna & Jerry are off at her mom's house tonight so it's just me and Tony. Ivy went to bed early and Tony's been on the phone all night. But you know what? So was I for once! As horrible as this may sound- and really, honestly, I am (usually) not a nosy person- but I heard a car screech and a loud boom outside my house and I watched the whole ordeal for about a half hour. It wasn't anything major. I live on a very busy road so it's more exciting than TV.
I think I am going to turn in for the night as soon as my caffeine buzz wears off. I'll post the recipe for the concoction since I'm buzzing like crazy right now.

Something Frappe (it does have a real name, but whatever)

2 teaspoons instant coffee
1/3 cup warm water
1 tablespoon sugar
1 cup vanilla ice cream
1 cup ice

Mix it all in a blender (or in my case, use a little hand mixer leaving chunks of ice), pour, drink that bad boy down & buzz around the room.
It is reeeeeeeeeeeaaally good. Possibly even better than the face wash I recently raved about. Not that the face wash is edible, just saying in terms of greatness- as if you couldn't figure out that one on your own.

Edit

2005-04-05T22:26:00.000-05:00

I hate that I feel like I have to edit what I say for fear of a certain person reading it- not that he would I guess, but I don't know. The suspense! So what really is going on with me? I suppose I can't say on here. Oy. It's a difficult situation, but I'm happy if not a bit scared. I act so goofy around this person. This is a very dumb post because I can't say what I want to dammit.

Anyway.... Amy the Billing Wench has been happily finalizing bills for the past couple days. I feel needed once again. It's nice.

We invited Dianna & Jerry over for dinner tonight- they actually came over this time. It's not Jerry who's the problem- it's Dianna. She's been extra bitchy lately. I feel bad for Jerry. He is such a sweet guy and she doesn't appreciate him at all. Jerry & I have more in common than he does with Dianna- and he knows it. But I digress.

Why my night didn't completely suck

2005-04-03T02:04:00.000-05:00

After boo-hooing for a while about my idiotic friends, Tony surprised me and took me out to see Ms. Congeniality 2. We had a great time. Pain in the ass that he may be, Tony can be quite sweet sometimes. Oh, and by the way, the face wash I just bought totally rocks.

Why my Friends suck

2005-04-02T22:47:00.000-05:00

So Dianna, Jerry, Tony & I were all supposed to go to Atlantic City tonight. We brought Ivy over to my mom's to stay the night. So then they called and said that Jerry was too tired to drive all the way down there. Fine. So they're going to come over here. 10 comes around and they're still not here so I call them. They're on their way home from Dianna's coworkers party. Jerry is going to ask Dianna is she wants to come here or we'll go over their apartment. 10:30- Jerry calls me back. Now they're too tired and want to go to bed with daylight savings time and all. So I brought Ivy to my mom's house for nothing, waited around all night for nothing, and now I am friggin crying over my assholes so-called friends. So I am going the fuck to bed- maybe read my new book. Happy fucking Saturday night.

Booooring....

2005-04-02T19:49:00.000-05:00

I have realized that I am too boring to be a blogger. I haven't posted since the 24th because I haven't had anything interesting to say- at least I don't think so. But anyway- here's my most exciting news (you can fall asleep now):

1- I lost 9 lbs.! Since Jan.!
2- I went shopping today!
3- I bought 5 shirts for $30! I had a $20 gift certificate! So I only paid $10!
4-One shirt was only $3!
5- I got my eyebrows done! They look good! Not hairy monsterish!
6- I went to Target and bought a My Little Pony CD! And a book for me!
7- I went to CVS and bought overpriced vitamins! And face wash! And pads! And Women's Tylenol! For $30 f 'in dollars!
8- I was able to simply pull on my jeans today instead of jumping up and down cursing trying to zip them up!
9- My blood pressure is normal!
10- Oh- and I lost 9 lbs.!

I'm hoping the exclamation points make it a tad more exciting. But anywho, I've been bored to death at work waiting for the new billing cycle to begin- hence, I am the billing wench. So finally yesterday I was once again happily glaring at my monitor, muttering under my breath, printing 1700 drafts statements, distributing the 50 lb. pile of them and finalizing one attorney's bills. Yippee! I really do love my job- seriously. But I do need new glasses soon. Tony is still trying to figure out if he wants to go with Dianna & Jerry to Atlantic City tonight- it's already almost 8. Regardless, Ivy is spending the night at Grandmom's, so we can at least relax. It was f ' in pouring outside earlier and the hole next to the fireplace (where you store wood) is leaking. And there's some metal piece that is on the side of the roof is falling off and banging against the house. Oy. But I had a really good day anyway.

Bedtime

2005-03-24T20:11:00.000-05:00

At 8:00- Ivy- 3 years old- tells me she wants to go to bed. I brought her upstairs, put the clean sheets on the bed and she went to sleep. How incredibly cool is that? See- a happy post! :)

Happy

2005-03-23T19:37:00.000-05:00

Why can't I be as happy as my daughter? She's rocking back and forth singing "I'm so happy! I'm so happy!" At least one of us is. And why when she's being an absolute terror and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs does she laugh? By the way my posts go I sound horribly depressed. NEWSFLASH: Tony is a complete moron. He "borrows" against my pay by writing checks between the two accounts and it caught up to him. He lost $1,200 because- oops- he didn't make the deposit soon enough. That is over 2 weeks pay for me. I worked 2 weeks for NOTHING. He still doesn't have a job, but he says he's trying. I just cannot fathom not having a job for that long. It's ridiculous. Well, after screaming at Ivy to get some other small choking hazard out of her mouth I just broke out in tears. It was a mini mental breakdown. I feel even worse now because poor Ivy just kept saying "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." because she thought that's why mommy's bawling her eyes out. I tried to explain to her that it's not her, but it's hard to explain to a 3 year old. Since she's making Barbie dance on the keyboard while I am trying to type I suppose she's alright. I went to an Excel seminar today and while I understood the material in the morning, the afternoon was just way over my head. I felt like a a complete moron. It's cold, raining and windy out. What a crappy day. I am just so sick and tired of everything.

Pictures- dammit

2005-03-20T19:22:00.000-05:00

In addition to being lazy, ugly, miserable, lonely and a bad mother, I just realized that I am also a complete idiot. I have tried to post a picture- just one- it's all I want- to no avail. I followed the directions in the "hello" and "picasa" programs but apparantly I am just too stupid to post a damn picture on my damn blog. Still no damn call from damn Dianna or damn Jerry so I doubt they're coming over- dammit.

Bored

2005-03-20T18:50:00.000-05:00

I am just bored bored bored today. I have stuff to do but do you think I feel like doing it? It's rainy and dreary, I look like crap and I can't get Ivy to clean up her mess. I'm feeling lonely and yucky. My friends Dianna and Jerry might come over tonight, but with how Dianna's been acting lately she won't want to. So whatever. How's this for a poor me post? I almost want to go back to work tomorrow. At least I feel confident, needed and even pretty at work. Here I just feel worthless, lazy, ugly and like a bad mother. I can't wait till Ivy goes to bed so I can just go to sleep and be over with this day. Blah.

Job Opportunity

2005-03-15T21:25:00.000-05:00

I saw my ex-boss & friend last week when we went out for drinks and she mentioned that there is a job opening at her place (which pays a decent amount more) and said that she'd love it if I applied. I have been at my current job for nearly 5 years now and I actually kind of like it, but the money's not all that great. I almost cried when I saw my paycheck today. I only had straight time on there- no overtime- and I realized that I cannot survive if I do not work over 40 hours a week. It was just pitiful. So anyway, I e-mailed her this afternoon asking her if she was serious about the position or if it was just the Coors Lights talking. She replied and said she was- then I proceeded to bombard her with a million questions about benefits and such. Now I just have to get together a resume!!! I don't have any idea where to start. I had once tried to just use a template in Word, but I don't know what to put down. I have a hard time talking myself up. My brother is 31 years old and has never held a job for over a few months- but he has an awesome resume. It makes him sound as though he could build a space shuttle or something. His friend Oricidia (spelling?) prepared it for him. I must get in touch with her.

The Smell from the Roof- Part II

2005-03-15T21:14:00.000-05:00

It's baaaack... The water stain on the ceiling tile and the horrific smell reappeared after a week. I came in Monday morning and there it was. So the roofer came out this morning, fixed a hole in the roof and told me that the wet insulation *might* dry in 2 weeks, but probably not and it will run about $700 to remove & replace. So the smell remains until either one of those happen. The roofer removed a bit of the water-logged material and instantly I knew that was the source of the stink. After some begging, pleading and comedic ass kissing, one of the very kind partners agreed the smell is horrific and can't imagine how I'm working in there and said he'll get it taken care of. I kept the nasty smelling material in a ziploc bag for proof- they're lawyers after all. I actually ended up having to leave work early yesterday because the odor gave me a headache and made me nauseous. Today I worked at a different desk with a crappy computer that I cannot use to finalize bills (which is the majority of my job). Upon getting approval, I called the roofer and left a message. I hope they'll call me tomorrow morning and say they can come out right away, but it will probably be more like Friday. All of my coworkers keep complaing about the smell when they just walk by my office- and I have to work in there. I swear the smell is still in my nose. Bleeech.

Sick Kid

2005-03-13T12:38:00.000-05:00

Before I leave work Friday, Tony calls me and asks me to come right home because he needs to take our ex-neighbor to the store and Ivy's throwing up. Oh great. So in the time they were gone the poor kid threw up all over herself and the couch 3 times (they were only gone about an hour and a half). She couldn't keep anything down at all and was running a bad fever. No Motrin left- had to run out to CVS in the pouring rain and get some. So yesterday, she woke up and she seemed to be feeling great! Until later when both her eyes have crusted over with this disgusting yellowish substance and she's all congested and can barely talk. I ended up staying up last night with her until 2am and while she slept on my lap I watched some depressing show about Atlantic City hookers. Keep in mind- she was sleeping. I don't live all that far from Atlantic City and have been there quite a few times and I have NEVER seen any hookers walking around- unless I'm just not observant, which I am. But seriously, I would have noticed these women walking across the street with their ass hanging out. It was just a strange, sad show. Anyway, a little after 2 I bring Ivy upstairs and slept in bed with her last night. She wakes at the crack of dawn as usual and I tried to sleep and watch her at the same time- not surprisingly- it doesn't work. I finally wake up and I am surrounded with toys. So now the poor kid's got a fever again, crusty eyes and can barely talk, but she wants me to get off the computer NOW so she can play Elmo Keyboard-o-Rama. She can play that by herself- see link for this game above. I hope she gets better for tomorrow because Tony's actually got a job interview tomorrow- hooray!

The Smell From the Roof

2005-03-07T15:51:00.000-05:00

So I come into work this morning and my office reeks- like a week old, warm can of tuna. I thought it was the flowers Tony sent me a few weeks ago so I dumped them- the smell remained. So I think that maybe the cleaning lady didn't replace the bag in my trash can and I move it out of my office- the smell is still there. Going crazy, I douse my office in air freshener and light a candle. I kept searching my office for any sign of the smell and noticed a water stain on the ceiling tile. My boss moved it and lo and behold- there was the source of the stink. Luckily the receptionist called out so I don't have to sit in my stinky office all day. I called the roofer and they told me they'd let me know what they found, but apparantly they left! So now my office is still stinky and I don't know what to do. The odor has intensified from rotten tuna to rotting flesh and it is just nauseating. Yuck.

Finger Painting

2005-03-06T10:53:00.000-05:00

I refuse to type that entire post again. My f'in cable modem went out- again- just when I went to hit publish post. Stupid Comcast. Anyway, before it does again, Ivy finger painted the entire upstairs and some of the living room this morning with white paint. She had it all over her- up to her elbows and all in her hair. I woke to Tony screaming "Get up! Look what she did!" So while he cleaned the mess up with approximately half a bottle of bleach cleaner, I managed to scrub layers of white paint off the kid. I think she was trying to be helpful painting, but AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Free stuff

2005-03-05T16:24:00.000-05:00

I love this website: www.realfreebies.com.

Blah

2005-03-05T16:20:00.000-05:00

It is so nice outside today - sunny and 40 degrees- but I just feel miserable today. I was actually able to sleep until the unheard hour of 9:30, but I woke up with a stiff, sore shoulder and coughing. I am STILL tired today after sleeping for 11 hours and 3 cups of coffee. WTF? I really should be having a wonderful day. Slept late, Tony made me breakfast, got a nice long shower, painted my nails- and even toenails!, and read a magazine. But all because of this damn sore shoulder and my persistent cough I am cranky.
I can't recall how the subject came up, but Tony and I got to talking about having another child. I said that I want to have another one someday but not right now and he actually shocked me at saying how he thinks one is enough. I was always under the impression that he wanted 2- at least. He said that we'll have another child if I really want one, but he said that we should do it now because he doesn't want to be changing diapers after Ivy's using the potty and all. PLUS, he'll be at the "ripe old age of 41" when Ivy turns 18. Whatever. Plenty of people have children at 35 and up! I think I can wait a few years. My reasons for waiting are this:

1- I want Ivy to be a little older and calmer
2- Tony needs to be able to keep a job
3- I want to be married
4- We just moved in here and I just don't want to be pregnant again right this minute!

So why don't we just get married? Well, Tony wants to and has wanted to for quite some time. However, he needs to deal with a few major issues before then. If he doesn't make some changes now he certainly won't after we're married. I don't want to be thinking "Well, we can always get divorced" when I just get fed up. When I marry I want to be pretty damn sure it's forever. He knows all about what he needs to work on, so if he wants to get married, he better start!
Cranky-anti-marriage-wants another kid but not right now-tired-sore Amy is going to just shut up now and go back to reading her magazine.

POW

2005-03-03T18:42:00.000-05:00

POW

Thursday

2005-03-03T18:34:00.000-05:00

When I got home tonight I was going to sit and write a miserable post about the car breaking down and leaking antifreeze, still being sick and just being plain tired and stressed out. Then Ivy started screaming "I WANT A SANDWICH!!!"...so I dragged myself out of the chair, went to the kitchen, put the dog out so she wouldn't feed dog the sandwich, and made it while she screamed. Then all of a sudden I just started acting goofy and Ivy started laughing. Then I started laughing and felt better. So with just goofing around I managed to get her to eat the majority of a turkey sandwich PLUS half an apple with peanut butter AND I felt better. And I even felt like a good mommy for once getting my kid to eat a healthy meal and not screaming at her trying to get her to eat it. But now Ivy's sitting on the coffee table banging a glass candy dish onto the glass tabletop and the dog is on the couch and I yelled again. But this time, not as loudly.

My Crazy Kid

2005-03-02T21:28:00.000-05:00

http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/i/ivybaby/

My First Post

2005-03-02T21:13:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I'm totally new to this. I got hooked on someone else's blog and now I have actually created one. Too bad I'm not as interesting as her! I am such a blog idiot that I managed to create TWO accounts so I need to figure out how to delete one or just confuse myself more.
I've had bronchitis since Saturday and still feel like crap. I lucked out Monday when it snowed since the office closed early, but I've been burning my sick time for 2 days now leaving early at 1:15. I'm going to slap the shit out of the next person who tells me I need to go to the doctor to get medicine. I HAVE medicine PRESCRIBED by the DOCTOR and have been taking it since SUNDAY. So shut up already.
I just moved to a new house a few weeks ago and it's starting to feel like home now. This is actually my first move ever so it's been tough. But it feels good to be able to say "Come over to my house" and it's actually my house as opposed to "Come over to my house" when it's really my mother's. I do miss my mom, but Tony and I have been getting along a lot better here. People have told me that it's hard to raise a family within a family, and I suppose it's true. Don't get me wrong, my mother is absolutely WONDERFUL. I don't think I could have a better mother. I guess now it's that when Tony and I do fight, it doesn't last long. At the other house, my mom would say something to me about the fight and then it would all come back up again and we'd just make fun of Tony all night- which in turn pissed him off more if he overheard us. Anyhow, things are different here- calmer I guess.
So that's it for my first blog entry. Not too painful.